Flashing Billboards on My Forehead

Conflicts: Dysfunctional. Abusive. Boundaryless. They can happen to anyone, including Jesus followers who daily spend purposeful time with God through reading the scriptures, in-depth Bible study, and consistent prayer. You may be a godly person and a good neighbor, boss, employee, coworker, parent, spouse, child, sibling, relative, or friend, yet find yourself in an unwanted and uninvited complicated relationship or circumstance.

I have had relationships in which I interceded for the other person through prayer by asking Jesus to heal them of their dysfunction, mental illness, or sin. Most scriptural records of Jesus healing a person were instant, complete, and permanent. Even though the person I prayed for had not asked for the help or healing, and I could not physically take them to Jesus, I could spiritually bring them before Jesus.

I have previously witnessed Jesus provide in ways that seemed impossible to me relationally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and even legally. He is so like that. When I have been at my wits’ end believing there was no possible way, no hope, no healing, no relief, no safety to overcome an obstacle, Jesus did the impossible. My mind had not previously conceived what He chose to do on my behalf. It was so out of the box that only He could have done it. There lies the beauty; Jesus has no box and I cannot put Him in one. Whoop — whoop!

That being said, I must also add that I have known Jesus long enough to realize not all prayers are fulfilled the way I wish, in my timing, or sometimes they may not be answered in my lifetime. I know I’ll have to wait until heaven to see how it is eventually answered. My heart may sometimes doubt Jesus heard my prayer, but my mind always knows better. He hears, remembers, and acts. Always.

If you use Pinterest, the online bulletin/pin board, you have likely read quotes about trusting your heart: “There is no instinct like that of the heart.” “Trust your heart. What is true feels good. What is false causes doubt.” – Monica De Liz. “Always listen to your heart.” “When you can’t believe your eyes, you can always trust your heart.”  “Trust your heart and you will be with the one you love” -Aunt Wu.

Here is what trumps all these quotes: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV). Our hearts need to be established in Christ first, and even then, Scripture tells us not to trust in our own heart, but to trust in God with all our heart. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5 (NIV).

I knew Jesus was capable of healing the person I was praying for. Scripture tells me of His great power, and moreover, Scripture states that the power is for us. “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,” Ephesians 1:18-20 (NIV). I have longed for this kind of power to be exerted on the heart, soul, mind, and strength of someone I knew on multiple occasions. The bottom line was they had to want it and believe Him for it. When they did not, I was not quick to give up on them. I’m stubborn like that.

Often, when I sense God has released me from relationally reaching out to someone and has shown me the exit door from a dysfunctional, abusive, or boundaryless relationship, I usually look for a detour and go back for the person. I find myself wondering, “Have I done everything I can?” I do not want to question if there was possibly something else that would have worked. I continue to pray and ask if there is, please, another way. I must know I did everything I could, and when I look back, I have no regrets. If I am going to err, I can live with erring in faith, but I could not live with erring in what was convenient. I am capable of missing the proverbial boat when it comes to discerning God’s voice and will, and I want to ensure I clearly understand His heart and will in this matter.

On the other hand, I have a history of allowing anger (toxicity) to be taken out on me, so when it comes up in a relationship, it feels natural, but I know God is calling me to recognize and respond to it in a biblical way. This is anything but easy for me.

Sometimes I imagine I have a flashing sign on my forehead that reads, “Easy to Manipulate: Free Test Try” or perchance “Boundaryless: Trespass without caution.” God keeps the lessons in these areas coming at a steady pace, and He is determined to teach me how to soar by handling the issue without becoming nervous, shaky, lightheaded, heart pounding out of my chest, or, as in my most recent lesson, feeling like Icy Hot was rubbed on my chest. I had never before experienced this sensation during a difficult confrontation, and fortunately, I was able to laugh at myself when the conversation had finished. Icy Hot — seriously — I never knew!

Thankfully, God is a patient teacher who does not give me a failing grade. He just keeps teaching me new applications and giving me new situations in which to work them out. God has also given me a godly, humorous private tutor who happens to be an expert in practical application. God is very serious about me learning this lesson and passing it on to you. I must add that these lessons are not easy and are sometimes painful. To quote Beth Moore from a lesson in Daniel: Lives of Integrity, “You want to learn this lesson in the classroom and not on a field trip.” I imagine I have more field trips logged than the average student.

If you, like me, have a flashing billboard on your forehead, turn it off! And keep clear of Icy Hot.