Toxic Tuesday: Self-Pleasuring

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

“Pornography twists and perverts the beauty and the biblical design of God’s creation. It leads men and women to look at each other as nothing more than objects of personal pleasure. It causes them to fantasize about sexual relationships with other people, and that’s a terrible blow to marital commitment.” – The Art of Marriage Session Five LOVE SIZZLES

Today’s topic comes on the heels of two articles that came across my Facebook feed through friends of mine. This post is not for the faint of heart but then again parenting and marriage sometimes require heavy-duty fortitude, resolve, and tough love. This in not a subject anyone voluntarily wants to openly discuss; however, the internet has changed our societal trends, our relational skills, and the timing and topics of biblical sexuality we discuss with our children.

The first article is about Hugh Hefner, the king of porn and Playboy. It seems Mr. Hefner lied to millions of men about the means he has to use to reach sexual satisfaction.

The second article alerts us to a new porn advertisement unveiled in New York City’s legendary Times Square.

The advertisement screams the lie, “All you need is hand,” while the testimony about a porn addicted millionaire says, “Hand is the only thing that will accomplish satisfaction once you are accustomed to using it.”

I’ll put it bluntly—as bluntly as I heard a Christian psychologist once state it, “No woman can compete with ‘Rosy Palm’. A soft warm wife will never grip as hard or move as fast as Rosy.” And this is why doctors are seeing skyrocketing rates of erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy males.

I’m not singling men out because the truth is that millions of women are also self-pleasuring.

Statistics teach us that these rates are the same for Christians and non-Christians.

The habit of self-pleasuring/self-gratifying (masturbating) to porn is narcissistic in nature and often leads to narcissistic personality disorder. I bet you won’t find this huge fact in a porn magazine or in a disclaimer at the end of pornographic websites.

We were created to bond with other people and on the most intimate level we were made to bond and reproduce with our spouse in the love, safety, fun, creativity and mutual satisfaction of a committed marital relationship ‘til death do we part’. When people choose to have sex with themselves they bond with themselves.  They become full of toxic, malignant, cancerous, self-love. Instead of learning to care for others they only care for themselves. Everything is about them: Their body, their satisfaction, their time, their space, their money, their home, their ideas, their preferences—I hope you’re getting the idea. The, “I am and there is none besides me,” mentality to the max!

Masturbating takes sex outside of marriage; outside of the covenant relationship between husband, wife and God.

This greatly hinders a person from being a committed, loving spouse or parent who practices empathy, self-sacrifice, spiritual leadership, and meeting other people’s needs.

Here’s my question: If men and women knew the truth about porn, the chemical reactions/addictions that take place in brain chemistry due to using porn, and if they understood that the use of it eventually leads to erectile and sexual dysfunction and the inability to sexually perform with or enjoy their wife/husband; would they start down the path of looking at and using porn for stimulation? If they knew it could lead to a personality disorder and not being able to genuinely bond with and love other humans would they instead muster up self-control to STAY AWAY FROM PORN?

People with NPD think they bond and love like everyone else. They don’t! That is what makes it a disorder/mental illness.

We are to be, “rooted and established in love;” for God and for others. Not rooted and established in self-love.

I don’t believe any person sets the goal of, “I will learn to not love anyone and to not enjoy relationships with anyone. I will live a lonely miserable life.” Yet, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18a. In a world of temptations, and internet porn on demand, people must resolve to immediately look away and not look back again at pornographic images. Our families, our culture, and the church need resolved Christians who strive for purity with a vision for spiritually, emotionally and sexually healthy marriages.

“Love is life’s purest and most powerful motivator. It always does what is best for others and invites us to reach new heights in our relationships. Love brings fresh flavor to our living and renewed joy to our giving. Every relationship becomes more meaningful with it. No family is truly happy without it.”[i]

Read: Hugh Hefners dirty little secret by JONATHON VAN MAREN From the front lines of the culture wars. Jonathon Van Maren is a writer and pro-life speaker who has given presentations across North America on abortion and pro-life strategy.  CAUTION: Some graphically written content.

Read: Hey, Pornhub. We’re not buying it by Fight the New Drug. FTND is dropping knowledge on the harmful effects of porn since ’09.
Fight the New Drug’s mission is to educate and raise awareness on the harmful effects of pornography by using science, facts, and personal accounts.

The best place to begin understanding sex within marriage is the Bible. I recommend Song of Solomon; a love song described scene by scene of the wooing and wedding of a shepherdess by King Solomon.

[i] Stephen and Alex Kendrick, “The Love Dare for Parents,” (Nashville: B & H Publishing Group, 2013) p. 1

Published by Carolyn Deevers's my spiritual superpower for surviving crises and complicated relationships. Here is where I share stories...or at least the ones I can tell you about. ;-)

2 thoughts on “Toxic Tuesday: Self-Pleasuring

  1. Excellent article!! I plan to share this…

    I did peruse the website ‘Hot, Holy and Humorous’ and came away with a more negative impression. Intimacy between husband and wife should be pursued in unity, so if two people feel such a website will help, they ought to feel free. I think it does harm to pursue such a thing by ones-self and bring it into the marriage bed. I also think the web to be a treacherous venue for such information.

    I don’t validate my human relationships on the world’s terms—so I choose not to compete sexually in any sphere.

    Our society equates sex and intimacy incorrectly. Both men and women consist of much more than sexual impulse. In our modern society, every relationship outside of marriage operates as distant or sexualized, all the time. Sex becomes our only remedy for loneliness… the main remedy for our marriages. It will fail. And we find it hard to be satisfied in intimacy with God, because we don’t access him this same way. There must be more to it than this… .

    I agree self-pleasuring bonds us to ourselves, and it warps us no matter what. As I said, I will be sharing your article, as I think it hits the thing on the head. I may add my own caution to it…

    Thank you so much.

    1. Thanks Lisa,

      I should think through what I recommend on a matter of biblical principle. Sex within marriage is between husband, wife and God so going to the website ‘Hot, Holy and Humorous, without your spouse is no better than what I was attempting to keep avid readers of romance novels and bondage porn books from reading. I also agree with you that so much of this is done out of loneliness.

      My intent was to give an alternative to women who have never considered porn usage in their marriage as spiritually, emotionally and sexually unhealthy. And to give them a Christian starting point for understanding our sexuality is a gift from God.

      The best place to begin understanding sex within marriage is the Bible. I recommend Song of Solomon; a love song described scene by scene of the wooing and wedding of a shepherdess by King Solomon.

      I found ‘Hot, Holy and Humorous’ on Pinterest from another Christian blogger and read through the first 3-4 posts along with her beliefs and the side margin. If there was graphic content I’m sooo sorry! I deleted it from my post to be safe.

      I highly value your wisdom and gentleness!

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