Escalation of abuse led to murder

Here is one more story of a woman who was living under verbal and emotional abuse. 

After 25 years she tried to leave; unsuccessfully. He followed her and killed her.

Here is a fact you rarely hear, but it’s true. Abusers don’t get better.

Abuse escalates with time.


From the Tallahassee Democrat:

, Democrat staff writer

There’s been tears shed’: Community mourns a loving mother of six who was murdered

…After 25 years of trying to make their relationship work, she was ready for a divorce.

She was trying to escape what her family said had become a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship.

Judy was as devoted to her kids as she was to her faith. Her gentle and calm demeanor shone through her love for them.

“She was one of the most patient mothers with her children and loved them so,” her mother, Dorothy Yoder, said Tuesday before going to a viewing service for the family. “She really poured her heart and life into them.”

Judy was also an attentive wife, her mother said, even as the couple struggled in their marriage.

Judy sought help through online communities dedicated to Christian women with large families and women struggling with difficult marriages.

“The great irony is, of course, that he has revealed to the world that he didn’t deserve that respect,” Carter said. “She was afraid most people wouldn’t believe her if she came out and said ‘this is what’s happening.’”

Read the entire article here…


Published by Carolyn Deevers's my spiritual superpower for surviving crises and complicated relationships. Here is where I share stories...or at least the ones I can tell you about. ;-)

6 thoughts on “Escalation of abuse led to murder

  1. So many times, I hear stories similar. I am very fortunate to be a survivor of abuse, in no way has it been an easy road. The court system, his friends & family all have made it very difficult. I left after 15 years of mental, verbal, financial & emotional abuse. When he started getting violent with our son I knew I could not wait any longer. The excuse I got from the state was it wasn’t bad enough! We were not in a hospital bed! I refused to wait until then. I had seen & knew if I did, it would be to late. Even our church backed him, I stood, took the shame, slander, even so I felt broken, ashamed & lost! It has been a long journey, down a beaten path, thankfully I am alive & my son is safe. I try to give women encouragement & love during a dark, lonely & hard time.

    1. There is an enormous sisterhood of women who have walked this path. I’m grateful we have the internet to connect, validate, and encourage one another. Thanks for visiting! ~Blessings

  2. I too left after 15 yrs of abuse, and my church pastor telling me that if I would just be a better wife, go to Al Anon, etc. ALL would be well! The courts just gave the children (full custody) to my abuser (and at same time gave me a full order of protection)! Yes really! I returned to the domestic violence shelter without them! Once I went to the police station for my visitation swap and he didn’t bring the children because he had me arrested for driving the family van (which was in his name only, unknown to me). I was at that time a licensed healthcare professional who had never been arrested in my life. While I was behind bars, he sent the same Pastor to come and ask me to go back home to my husband! I told the police officer that I did not wish to see my Pastor (whom I forgive). All that hurt the children so deeply that they have not spoken to me in largely 17 yrs now (only the oldest of five).
    They all were homeschooled and all have become successful.
    I have forgiven my Ex.

    1. I am utterly exhausted from reading and hearing stories like yours. I’m glad you lived to tell about it, but so sad that the children haven’t been able to see through the games he played. Do you think they are mad at you for the abuse they had to endure and they don’t understand that you had no control over the court’s decision. I pray we see the day that family court decides children deserve more than having both parents in their lives. They deserve to live in a non-abusive home. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.

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