Do you have dysfunctional family dynamics or know someone who does? If you were raised by a parent with narcissistic personality disorder you will relate to these statements. Many of the sayings apply to being raised by someone with any type of personality disorder, but all of the below testimonials will validate children, young or grown, of a parent, or parents, with narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissist:
Someone so toxic they are willing to jeopardize
anybody’s reputation or future, including their own children,
to help themself get out of a sticky situation, conversation, sin, or
crime. In their personality disordered mind it’s no big deal.
Great list. Those of us that have dealt with abusive and toxic people can certainly resonate!
In my own experience, the term narcissist has become a catch-all for behaviors that sometimes exceed the classic definition of someone who is “merely” in love with themselves, to the exclusion of all others. Certainly some of your quotes accurately capture the idea of toxic self-love.
But some of the quotes in the list above are even darker and really are describing a clinical psychopath (look closely at the attributions and you’ll see some that include references to psychopathy). The difference, as I have learned and understand is primarily about the ability to love and receive love; the ability to empathize with others.
Psychopaths are incapable of love, whereas Narcissists are able to love, but always through the lens of self. They love themselves to the exclusion of all others. Psychopaths are incapable of loving–that mainspring of humanity is completely missing. The quote above that talks about a person “showing love as a tool to con” somebody is descriptive of a psychopath. They don’t just turn love off and on–they have no love, but are very practiced at showing what looks to the rest of the world as “love,” but it is just an act. While this condition is very hard for most humans to contemplate, we often assume that this sort of person is rare.
I believe the incidence in the West is growing at alarming rates.
Both are very dangerous people to be in relationship with, no doubt, and in most practical cases is a distinction without a difference. But psyhopaths are expecially treacherous when attempting to leave them. They can be vicious and cruel, going out of their way for “payback.” Where most narcissists would stop short of doing anything that would damage them personally, psychopaths have a strong sense of winning at all costs, empowered by a strong sadistic component. They are the types that you read about in the paper that murder their spouse and children before turning the gun on themselves. If they are going to be seen as “losing,” they want that everybody involved should “lose” too. Narcissists wouldn’t ever want to destroy themselves to get even; they love themselves too much for that.
Certainly humans don’t fit into neat little boxes with labels on them and there is always overlap between our categorizations. My purpose in commenting is only to encourage people in toxic relationships to contemplate the unthinkable when deciding how to exit their relationship. Leaving a psychopath requires careful planning and help from family and friends.
And, sadly, many churches can’t be counted amoung available resources. Many pastors are unwilling, untrained and uncomfortable in accepting that there are truly evil people in this world. They are unable to read plain scripture as to how to handle these nasty souls and continue to do immeasureable damage by approaching what are often pyschopaths as if they are merely rebellious brothers/isisters in need of reconciliation. Such an approach is wicked on it’s face. Flee from such as these–to do as they proscribe will only result in adding to the staggering pile of damage these “wolves in sheep’s clothing” have created.
Wow; is that ever true; most were exactly what I have experienced and only wish I had known what I was dealing with many years ago. Bless you!